Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Two Soon

For all I hear about the terrible two's, I can only hope I survive intact. At 21 months, I am beginning to get a glimpse. My daughter doesn't really say the word "no" but she says "uh uh" (no way, Jose) with gusto. I walk myself into it most of the time by asking her questions instead of making basic statements.

"Do you want to go the the park?"

"Uh Uh!"

"Do you want to eat lunch?"

"Uh Uh!

"Time to get dressed"

"Uh Uh!

Oh well, this is a phase and I am trying to be patient and reason with myself when I know there is no reasoning with her. I have a tendency to argue, and I know that I simply cannot argue with her. I have thrown in a few "uh huh's" back, but thats as far as I can go.

She is expressing her frustrations, and learning that she can't always get what she wants. I can relate to that. That is a hard concept for all of us.

She also, in her fury, hit me for the first time this past week. I responded promptly and explained that we do not hit. First she thought it was funny so I realized I had to be a bit firmer. I looked her in the eye and told her again and she cried and cried. It was so hard on both of us. Boy, do I need a tougher skin. I have wanted kids my whole life. Deep down, I know I still want another, but if you ask me right this second, my answer is "uh uh."

Friday, March 5, 2010

Twenty Months

On these last days of my daughter's 19th month on this planet, I am spending a lot of time looking at her in awe. My life has been entirely about being her mother. I hired a babysitter for the first time last week and it was wild to have time to be me for a little bit.

I haven't forgotten who I am, but more how I used to do things. My mind never really stops thinking about her now. It's hard to feel carefree knowing you are responsible for another life. That being said, I had a huge smile on my face last week coming home after some time alone.

Change was never easy for me and now before my very eyes it is happening. Twenty months came so quickly and it feels really hard to hold on to right now. Each day she says something new, does something amazing, and moves me in ways I never realized before.

Twenty months feels like a milestone. Close to two and closer to kid and not baby. It occured to me the other day that when I thought of having a baby, I thought just that. I didn't think beyond the baby part so much. I'm trying to pace myself though and remind myself that 20 months is still so new. She is only twenty months and I am only twenty months a mom. We will learn together how it all works.