Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Going At It Alone

Crying is not something I am afraid of. Sensitivity comes easily to me. Getting emotional, I can cry at the drop of a hat. Having a baby just heightened all that would fit into the "feelings" category. Each milestone is joyful and a little sad. I am now the mother of a two year old and I keep having to repeat that to myself.

Two, so far, has been the most adorable stage -- and the most challenging. As a mom, I know that following your instincts is best, but for us first timers, confidence is lacking at times. I read books, research different philosophies, and rely on advice from friends and family. It takes a village, right?

There have been quite a lot of changes in my house lately. My mom came to visit for a month. My husband landed a great new job, and everyday I look at my daughter I am reminded of the definition of change. My mom gave me a much needed extra set of hands. I could set appointments, go on dates with my husband, go grocery shopping without having to open half the packages for a hungry toddler. I also had my mom to give me advice, whether I asked for it or not. It was also the first time I saw her as an amazing grandmother for my daughter, and not just my mom.

My mom left recently and I miss her. It was a support system that was nice to have. My husband's new job started this week as well. He had always come home around five before and now the earliest he comes home is six thirty. All of the sudden, I feel so alone. I have this little girl who I talk to all day long but no extra set of hands when things get sticky. So it's back to the instincts for me. I read my parenting books now and then, but for the most part, I'm on my own.

It feels kind of good too. A little more sense of rhythm between my peanut and me. We are starting to figure out what our new days look like. Much to my surprise, she went right back to learning how to play, independently. I was concerned because my mom paid her so much attention, she had a built in playmate. Now when my husband comes home they have a little time before she goes to bed. I then have time to relax and spend time with my husband alone -- and we appreciate it more now, since it's limited. I appreciate everything more now too, including my abilities as a mom.

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