Monday, July 23, 2012

Chill

Today my son is one month old. It feels like he has been here longer than that, and yet it seems to have gone by quickly. The stream of visitors has slowed, and there aren't anymore welcome packages showing up on the doorstep the way they did the first couple of weeks. I have been getting the swing of things, and even take both my children on outings on my own (a task that seemed so daunting the first day or two home from the hospital). I definitely went through a terrified couple of days. I even had the thought that I perhaps had ruined Twig's life forever by introducing a brother to divide our love from her. To the contrary, she seems to be in love, and so are we.

As each day passes I see myself get more and more comfortable with how uncomfortable the first few months really are. The sleep deprivation, the unscheduled feedings, the diaper explosions, all of the "stuff" you need, the witching hour... The list goes on and on, and yet this time I am not shocked. I have done this once before, and so I know there is an end to this part. I know the joy that is to come in the next year. I know the excitement we will all share when the "firsts" begin. So as we wait for a smile now, I know that is will be the first of many.

Last week I went to pick up a couple of things at the drug store. Twig was at school so it was just the baby and me. This woman asked me how old he was and when I responded that he was three weeks she said, "This must be your second child." She said I was too comfortable for him to be my first. I have been thinking of this all week. It's true. I was such a ball of nerves with Twig. I wanted so badly for everything to be right and I was so scared to screw it up. I read so many books, tried so many styles, and was too impressionable to everyones advice. I need only look at her now to have the confidence to know that whatever I did was just fine, because she is indeed just fine. This little baby has an excellent role model. I am proud of who she is becoming and feel strong in the choices I have made with her. If only I could have had this much confidence first time around. It just doesn't work that way though. I often wonder now why I thought it was so hard with just one, and I guess it was because one was still a shocking life change. That was an intense adjustment period and this time around I have had to hit the ground running for Twig's sake. There is not much sitting at home and staring into the baby's eyes. I am just doing it.

With my hands as full as they are, I have very little downtime. Exercising and writing have taken a back seat and so as I type this last paragraph, please be aware that I started this post a month ago and Bud is now two months old. He has indeed smiled at us and it has made all this work so worth it. Summer is in full swing and he gets taken swimming, out for yogurt, to outdoor concerts and wherever else we go with Twig. I am not signed up to take him to any baby classes like I did with his sister, because I assume he will get enough stimulation watching her. Each morning when I wake, I am not exactly sure what we will do, and at this point we don't have a schedule. I was never this relaxed with Twig and I don't think she was a very chill baby because of it. He is though and he seems very content being carried around from one activity to the next or just stay home. He is just going with the flow and I am following his lead.
                                              

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