Recently, I have felt a bit overwhelmed. My daughter is in a stage where she is testing her boundaries. I was making her dinner last night and she was playing next to me. I was putting food on her plate when I heard her saying, "Mama, mama, mama." I looked up to find her drawing big blue circles on the wall with crayon. Even bigger than the circles was the smile on her face.
I was starting to feel like every day began with a race. From the minute I woke up, I felt I was falling behind. Get her up, feed her, change her, dress her (most of the above, a wrestling match at times). Get her snacks prepared and our water bottles filled, clean up from breakfast, get myself dressed...and poof, I am late to our first outing of the day! Then when we're finally out and about, I started to feel like I had to be so cautious of the time so we could race back for lunch and a nap. I would put her into the crib for a nap and remember that a human actually needs oxygen to survive. I should probably take a breath here and there.
I know not everyone has anxiety like I do. I have suffered my share of panic attacks. Anxiety is something I would like to say is foreign to me, but it is not. We are very well-aquainted. But what's interesting is that I wasn't having any of it this time. There simply wasn't any room for it. It also isn't warrented this time. Life can be overwhelming, but it is also so incredibly rich.
I wanted this little girl for so long. I dreamed of being married to a man as good as my husband. I wake up everyday and have my health. I cannot take that for granted. Those three things are huge, but wait: there's more. So much more. I get to go in and see her smiling face each day (and granted the first word out of her mouth every morning is dada). She is so happy to see me. I have the privilege of getting to spend everyday with her right now. I witness every new thing she says and does. Every new spin, song, skip, jump, word -- I get to experience with her. It is magical. It is magic.
I have a husband who listens while I talk about how I "feel" and doesn't roll his eyes. He encourages me when I am down. He is my friend. He calls me during the day to say hi and tells me what is happening with him at work, what he had for lunch and where he ate it. I love his calls. Are we perfect? No way! At times we bicker, pick on each other and sweat the small stuff, but this past week really made me take pause. The things I freaked out about. Come on! Simply not worth it. My cup runneth over. I am a lucky woman.