Making plans a few months in advance doesn't seem to happen much these days. A friend asked me if I thought about the holidays and what we might do this year. I haven't been able to have a complete thought about one holiday plan because every time I do, there is some big obstacle getting in the way of me figuring out how to make it happen. I would really like to go back east to see my family, but I cannot figure out a safe, time-efficient, cost-efficient way to get there. I am not thrilled with the idea of any of us getting on a plane and even if we did we would have to keep our distance for a few weeks and by the time that two weeks is up, we would have to come home again. Driving all the way east any time between now and the springtime is a big risk. Not to mention how expensive it would be to rent an RV and how high the cost of fuel would be. It might be cheaper to charter a private plane. Every time I try to find an option I get stuck on the many hurdles that are in my way.
It is even challenging to plan a week or a day in advance. My sense of time is so off now. Every day when I wake up I have to remind myself what day it is. We have so much time in the house together that every outing errand or playdate is ridiculously exciting to me. I love our weekends when we get outside all day. If everyone gets their work done on the weekdays, we even head to the beach for dinner and water play some nights. We are careful, healthy, and grateful, but our day to day life now is not easy. Each day there is the plan I make and then in reality the day happens and goes off the rails. Today, I spent an hour looking for a copy of a contract from almost two years ago. I took apart files in drawers and still came up short. I will likely spend another chunk of time later on today looking some more. There are curveballs like this every day. I don't lose my head, my temper, or any tears over obstacles like missing paperwork. I just lose a lot of time.
Missing my old life, time with my friends, and not getting to go home to see my family is getting to me though. As lucky as we are to have the technology to facetime and zoom, each other, it is not the same as getting to hug, hold, and sit in the same room together. Three thousand miles never felt as far away as it does right now. My heart doesn't want anything to stop me from seeing my parents at their age. Having watched my husband lose both of his parents in the last year has made me treasure my time with mine, while I have it. My head knows that the safest thing for all of us is to not see my parents right now. Talking daily on the phone, sending videos and photos also has its challenges. My dad is really good at facing the camera on his phone up, so we get very familiar with his forehead and window coverings. My parents don't always know where to access photos I send them, and it takes some time to walk them through the technology. Zoom works most of the time, but sometimes the internet isn't stable and the connection is lost. After all that I feel my ability to connect is often lost by then too. We all keep practicing though. Our dedication to staying together is what drives us to keep picking up the phone every day. After all this obstacle climbing, I can at least say I am honing my skills in patience, strength, and last but definitely not least flexibility.
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