Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Friends In Far Places

Friendships come into ones life in so many different ways. Who people connect with, and why, can determine a life long bond or not. Since becoming a parent it is interesting to notice how my time is spent with friends. There are times where I just crave a night with my close friends from the past, and times where I need people who understand exactly what is facing me in the present moment without having to fill them in. Such close friends are pretty special and I am so grateful for them. It seems though that very few of my closest friends live very close by.

New York is still home to my friends that I grew up with. Most of them have children of their own now, and once a year our families see each other. I love seeing our kids play. There is something magical to seeing history repeat itself in the next generation of friendships. Then there are the friends here in Los Angeles that I treasure, and once they have had kids they chose other parts of LA to move to. Friends whose apartments in our twenties were walking distance away are now on the opposite side of the city. Those friends, I see much less than I want to, but it is always so great catching up when we do.

It saddens me when I think of friendships that only lasted a moment in time. It is a part of life and I don't know any woman who cannot say they haven't seen a friendship or two that doesn't last. When memories of those friendships come into my mind, I have to replay in my mind what went wrong. Some relationships I noticed are not convenient anymore. Once one party moves away it takes two to keep the contact going. If I was the only one picking up the phone after while, I stopped calling. Some of us have grown apart, and some I notice when we are together they spend so much time complaining, or speaking so unkindly about other friends. Lately, my time feels so precious to me. When I sit down with a close friend, I really want it to make me feel good. Even if hard things are going on in each other's lives, I want to feel like we can build each other up in some way, instead of the opposite.

I spent the last few weeks with one of my closest friends. She flew in from London, and now not only do the two of us pick up where we left off so do our kids. At times, people used to joke that we were a bit too inseparable. Another friend of mine implied once that we spend a lot of time together and maybe it looked a bit co dependant. I don't agree, and I don't really care, because I am so glad I did, because now she is back in London, so whatever time I have with her is never enough. Here is a post from years ago when she just went back for a visit, and we missed her. http://www.twig-hugger.com/2011/02/london-is-calling.html. Now that she and her family are there for good, we soak up our time together as much as we can.

While she was here, we went down memory lane a bit. In addition to eating at some of our favorite places, we ran into some familiar faces too. We took the kids back to their old preschool to say hello to their teachers from six years ago. The kids played at the same playground where we spent everyday with them. We learned that it will be remodeled soon so I am glad they got one last time there. The years seem to be flying by, and looking back the time has been filled with many changes. I know houses, schools, and playgrounds are just things but they hold so many feelings and memories. It felt bittersweet to be there all together again in those places.

This visit our girls went away together on a camping trip. Two nights away without us, and with no contact either. They were brave and came home so happy. Our boys spent hours and hours together, swimming and playing. Our husbands seem to restart the same conversations and jokes from the last visit, and my friend and I continue to start many talks that bleed into the next, some that get finished, and some that don't. She lives further away than any other friend, and yet we are in touch just the same. We share recipes, face time, share clothes, and advice. It is never easy to say goodbye to her. Looking forward to the next visit. So are our kids.

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