How To Say Goodbye

There isn't much about mask-wearing, religious hand sanitizing, and staying home that I am getting used to. I do love the slower pace and I am so grateful that for the moment, I am not homeschooling my kids. I was only a bit antsy through the last few months, but now that there is another surge of COVID-19 spiking California's numbers, I am feeling some major cabin fever. When I get out on occasion to meet friends outside, I feel better -- almost a sense of normalcy -- but I get home and the feeling fades. When I need to get out of the house, I get excited to gear up to go to Target or Whole Foods, but waiting in line making sure people stay far enough away from me is stressful. Once I get in I have more personal space, but no matter what I do, there is always a moment inside where my mask makes me feel panicky. I can talk myself out of freaking out, but this errand which was, in reality, taken as an escape from being home, suddenly causes me to want to rush right back to what I was escaping. The real world is really tough to navigate right now.

There hasn't been a summer in my life that I can remember that I didn't spend back East. I keep trying different scenarios of how we could get back there for a getaway. I have seen friend's photos with them covered in protection that looks just shy of hazmat suits as they board planes to visit family. I have seen friends renting campers and traveling across the country. That requires a level of knowledge, planning, and money that I am not sure I have. I just can't find a way to travel that I feel comfortable with right now, so I feel stuck.

We have a house in Palm Springs that we rent out for short term rentals. We have had it for almost four years and when we don't have it rented, we use it as our vacation home. We love it there and have created wonderful memories over the years. When the virus first struck, the City of Palm Springs shut down all short-term rentals. All of our income from the house came to a screeching halt. We began bleeding money from both houses since we had to keep them both afloat while our incomes also stopped. We had to put our beloved little desert house on the market.

We didn't get many offers at first and then the City lifted their rental ban. We still had many restrictions on how much we could rent it, but I was hoping we could start building the rentals back up. We gave it a few more weeks to see if it would sell, all while secretly I was hoping any bids that came in would be too low to consider and we could keep the house for ourselves. Then after no offers at all, yesterday a few came in all at once. There was one that came in over asking, and we just can't turn it away. We bought this property as an investment and I went ahead and got emotional about it. I have a hard time saying goodbye to people, places, and things. I am clearly too sentimental about nouns and need to let go a bit more. I am attached and beyond sad to sell this house. I wasn't expecting this to happen and I am processing it pretty slowly. We are heading out today to say goodbye and gather our things. A few months ago saying goodbye to this house in of itself would have been sentimental for me, but losing the one escape from home that I feel safe enough to run to is making the goodbye that much harder. I suddenly feel more locked down than I did before. I realize as we make our way there how much my disappointment is trite in comparison to the losses that others have had as a result of this virus. With that perspective, I am going to enjoy this house a few more days and do my best to focus on how well it has served us.