Last Day

Well folks, this is the end of Kindergarten! My baby has hit yet another milestone. These stones are coming down so hard and fast it's hard not to hurt a little. There were all sorts of gut wrenching but perfectly beautiful end of the year celebrations, and I only fell more in love with the school she is attending. Any apprehension I had about Kindergarten all drifted away pretty early on. Sure there were some minor bumps along the way but they were all relatively easy to deal with. Each day at drop off was different. Separation anxiety came and went in phases for her.  There were some tearful mornings as late as May so that might just be her "thing" that will follow her for a while. She had a couple of "Mean Girl" moments when girls were asking to sit next to Miss Popular of the class and she got denied a couple of times, but her confidence was strong enough that she stopped asking and did her own thing. There were also the few times someone commented on her food or that they could see her underwear when she was wearing a dress. I was ready to attack but they were all normal elementary school events that came and went quickly. Just like the year.

There was a slide show that was put together for Young Author's day. The event took place in the morning at the start of the school day and each child read something they wrote, Twig wrote about her little friend in London and as soon as the other kids began to read she decided she wasn't going up which was fine. She was a little afraid of getting up in front of grown ups with a mic. Hand it to her in front of a crowd of kids though and she will put on quite a show. After the kids read we watched the slide show. It had a picture of each kid on the first day, and then showed every fun. exciting, assembly or activity that was organized throughout the year. Every child was beaming between the accomplishments and achievements they had successfully accomplished all year. Looking back it was hard not to get emotional. Kindergarten was exactly what it was meant to be. A transition from preschool into the higher grades. The kids had their own yard, buildings, and lunch area away from the bigness of the rest of the school. Now she has completed that transition and it feels a little daunting to throw her in with the big kids. 

Every kid has strengths and weaknesses. As a parent, my goal is to learn where my kids are strong and where they need a little help and then support but not save them through the hard times. It has been a lot of learning this year for sure. I am honing in on the tools that work best for MY kid and not necessarily what the best parenting book thinks. First grade will be interesting for many reasons. After a possible move to a new home, she will soon after start school and have another big move from the rug to a desk, and the possibility at an entirely new school. I know that once she gets over the initial newness and then the daily goodbyes, she is a quick study and will be fine. I am still learning that for myself. Here we go! What's next is not clear but I am proud of her for this amazing year and look forward to first grade fun!

The Upswing

"It's a phase" is what every mother hears when they are complaining about child behavior issues. Mostly I hear it from my mother or mother in law. For the most part they are correct too. It's just that when you are getting hit in the face repeatedly or your child goes boneless each time you say "no", you can't help but ask yourself what their problem is, and how long will it last. A phase isn't a very specific amount of time, and patience is a challenge when dealing with head butts and tantrums.

I am writing this moment though to remind myself in future trying times that my daughter right now is amazing! Last week she was so challenging emotionally. There were a lot of meltdowns and crying over issues that didn't seem worth a whine but instead got hysterics. She has always been sensitive about separation but at some point would get over it, but last week the end of the school year she had trouble saying goodbye in the morning, and trouble going out to her gymnastics class from the waiting room. At one point last week I got very stern with her, looked her in the eyes and said "enough." I am not exactly sure if that had a single drop of influence on her or she was just done with being moody, but she has been easygoing this whole week.

We went to the merry go round yesterday and arrived fifteen minutes after it closed. My hands began to sweat as I dropped the bad news and much to my surprise she said "bummer" and asked if she and her brother could run around instead. Total shocker. This week had been a full one with all of the end of the year culmination celebrations and exhibitions. She had open house at school where we saw all of the work she has been doing, a gymnastics exhibition, and the school fair.  Between those there has been a lot for her to be proud of, and a lot for us to be proud of her for. She has had quite a wonderful year and it shows.

Kindergarten offers so much newness, between having fish in the class, worms, snails, caterpillars, and getting to bring home and hatch the caterpillars into butterflies was really beautiful. The last segment of the year was the farm, and the class had an incubater and twelve eggs. Over three weeks the children watched the eggs and waited. They waited for a peck a crack, a sign that a little chick would really hatch from the eggs. It became a curiosity for all the families as well. We peeked our heads in daily to see if anything was happening. One day it all began and one chick made it's way out, a little wet, fuzzy yellow fluff was first followed by ten more.

We were invited to throw our names into the hat to take two chicks home and Twig begged. I had no compelling reason to turn her down so I said "yes." So as I write this I am sitting next to Chicken Little, and Chicken Big and they are sharing my office with me for a few weeks until we take them to a farm. So I suppose we are technically the foster farm but that turns my stomach a little and is likely the reason I haven't had any eggs for the past few weeks, other than that everyone is happy.

The gymnastics show was great, and she showed no sign of stage fright and even seemed to like showing off to us. She also wanted to get up and sing at the school fair but there is time for that later. She completed terrific works in school and was a charming host at open house. She is a pleasure to be with right now and I can't soak her in enough. We are really enjoying our time together right now. The good, bad and the ugly -- it's all a phase, right?

Two. Oh Boy!!

I don't know how its possible that you are two already. As your birthday approached I kept having to remind myself that you are actually turning two and not one. It seems that you stayed a baby for a much shorter time than your sister. When she was born, I was concerned with every detail. hoping I was doing it all "right." When you came along I wished I could have been a second time mom, first time round. With you I was at ease. Even in the most hectic moments, I already knew I could do something that resembled a good job, and you would come out okay.

The day you were born two years ago was a Saturday and it wasn't easy getting you out. It was long and exhausting. When your sister was born I was fascinated that an experience so painful could be followed immediately with such joy. It was the best day of my life and I was excited to have that same experience with you. But you weren't quite as ready and so by the time I held you, we were both so tired. I knew I loved you right away, but to be honest with you, I just wasn't sure who you were then and so it took time for my feelings to grow deeper. I hadn't been away from your sister that much until then and I was overwhelmed wondering how I would have enough love for both of you. 

My boy, it didn't take long for me to fall hard for you. My heart just expanded and seemed to open a reservoir I didn't know I had. Things were hectic at times and I certainly didn't get to sit and stare at you the way I did first time around, but you didn't mind.  You had your sister to follow around and she made you shriek happy screams. You made such a wonderful addition to our family. Seeing your daddy play with you warms me every time. I am sentimental about this milestone and tears have come to my eyes a few times today already. 

Mother's often get sad on the happiest days for their children. I know the reason is because we feel our babies are getting further and further from being our babies. Change isn't easy for everyone and just as one thing settles another seems to shift. I am making an active decision to celebrate today. First off, I am so much more comfortable now than on the day you were born, so that's cause for a party right there.

Mainly I just want to celebrate you though. You amaze me, as I watch you speak new words everyday. I love how everything is an adventure for you since it's all so new. We could take a walk up a path and you will stop and notice bugs, lizard, rocks, and sticks and that small path makes you so happy. When you get in the car I need to leave a few extra minutes so that you can go "beep beep" which really means just sitting in behind the wheel and pretending to drive. You love cars, trains, trucks, anything with wheels. Your laugh is grand and infectious. I absolutely love the time I have to spend with you and am so grateful to be able to treasure it.

So on this day, as the sound of your feet grow louder and your steps faster, I want to celebrate what is ahead. It's only getting better and better. Sure, I lose my little baby but I gain a little boy.  A small person who, when you hold my hand, makes me melt a little each time. So as your journey continues, please know that I will forever be yours. I love you. Here we go, "Beep, beep!"

Teacher Appreciation Week

This school year is so quickly coming to an end that somehow I lost track of time and a week slipped by. I had signed up to do yard duty, a responsibility that includes wearing an orange vest and standing in the Kinder yard making sure the wee ones don't escape before school. I had it written in my calendar but somehow thought it was the following week. There were no five year old escapees reported so I think it's ok, but it made me stop and take a closer look at my calendar. 

Sure enough I was one week behind schedule for a few things. I thought teacher appreciation week ways a week later but it was rapidly approaching. What is teacher appreciation week, you might be asking. Well so was I. I am a room parent in my daughter's Kindergarden class. We are only rookie moms in this room, so we've all spent this year learning the system. It's May and I am just now starting to get it. The classroom next to us has room parents that have older kids in the school and so they make being a room parent look like a piece of cake. 

Teacher appreciation week is when you go above and beyond to thank your child's teacher for what they've done throughout the year. I saw the email that went out for the other room, and the plans they had for gifts. I quickly had to channel my inner Martha Stewart. We were "supposed" to (which really means you better or you will look really lame compared to other rooms) give the teacher a gift each day of the week. When I saw the corny play on words and expensive gift cards tucked in sweet little envelopes, I had to conjure up a unique plan.

I went on pintrist and nearly puked at the elaborate projects that moms somewhere in this country seem to have enough time to think up. I'll spare the details as you can simply check it out if you are so inclined. I did steal a few nice, simple ideas though. Each child will pick flowers from their garden and we will present their teacher with a very large vase. I love to bake so I will put something sweet together and throw it into a Mason jar and voila: crafty. I will also orchestrate the grand finale of the week and present her with a bowl of apples with a contruction paper leaf attached to each one. The kids are working on writing sentences about how special their teacher has been to them this year. We gave her a gift card too, so if she doesn't want sweets or apples with toothpicks stuck inside, she can at least go shopping at Bloomingdales.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with how this year has gone. My daughter couldn't be happier at school and we all love her teacher very much. I am grateful for how well she led the children to love reading, writing and math and introduced learning in such a positive light. The daily activities and creative projects put my apple bowl to shame. Teachers work hard!  But teachers get paid and have a set amount of hours they have to be with our kids. After that it's all me. So how come Mother's day is only one day, once a year? Just saying!

Loose Tooth

Back in November, I wrote about taking Twig to the dentist, seeing her permanent teeth in the X-ray and wondering what her face will look like when they grow in. The dentist told her, based on how far up they were, that she would probably have to wait a year or two before her baby teeth started to fall out. She was disappointed to hear this news since many of the children in her class have already begun to lose their baby teeth. At school they have a song, a sticker and even a cool necklace that they get when a pearly white falls out during the school day.

Since that day, the subject of whether or not the tooth fairy is real keeps coming up. We carefully ask her what she thinks... sadly she says she thinks the tooth fairy is us, her parents.  I don't say yay or nay on that one. From time to time she shows me that she has a unwiggly tooth and I'll entertain the idea and say "maybe", but it was never really wiggly...  until this week. She was sitting on the rug and again wanted to show me her tooth. My husband went to check thinking it would be pretty firmly in it's spot and found it to actually be lose! The dentist was wrong!  I couldn't believe it, since I wasn't ready for this milestone to be anywhere near 5 years old.

Recently at a birthday party, a mother who helps out in the classroom came up to me to tell me about Twig. She said she was sitting next to her one day and said she wanted to know the truth about the tooth fairy. She asked if she was real or just your parents. This mom didn't reply with my standard "well, what do you think?" Instead she told her that the tooth fairy was in fact very real. She went for the magic all the way. In wanting to be genuine and honest with my daughter I felt like it would have been a lie if I said it, yet I so appreciated this mom for her answer.  She gave Twig hope that there was a chance it could be real, when she apparently had some serious doubts. 

I don't think there's any serious iharm in some healthy confusion over the matter. A doubting Thomas is a very key part of religion. I think defining your own opinion is a skill every person needs to hone. So here our fantasy tooth fairy journey begins. I will have her write a note to leave under her pillow with her tooth. In the meantime I׳m trying to get the tooth fairy to tell me what her going rate it is. While we׳re all waiting, I'm fielding questions like "Will I wake up when she is here"?  I reply with assurance that the tooth fairy will only come when she is fast asleep. Let's hope for all our sakes that at least that part rings true.

A Little Shakey!

This morning I laid in bed, half asleep, my boy in my arms and my husband asleep next to me. Our daughter was asleep in the next room and the building began to shake. It was loud and strong. I pulled my son closer to me and he squirmed in fear, then seem to fall back a sleep. I yelled to my husband, "Go get her" and he leaped from the bed, grabbed her and put her in ours. I was scared and my body was still shaking long after the shaking had stopped. I held him on my left and he held her on my right. My son was still and his breathing on my chest was such a comfort to me. My daughter reached her hand out and we all lay connected together. I began to calm down.

This was my first big earthquake. It turned out that we were right near the epicenter. It prompted many questions from our daughter. She said she was awaken by the noise and then looked at her mirrored closet and wondered why they were shaking. It was such a strange experience for all of us, that I would describe as surreal, except it wasn't: it was very real. The ground literally shaking from under you makes you realize how very vulnerable we are. On the same day on the other sides of the world Chile experienced a quake much bigger and much more damaging. It was kind of unbelievable that here in California ,we shook for a bit and in our house some picture frames fell, a vase with flowers, and the water from the fish bowl spilled. We cleaned it up and went about our day. It could have been so much worse. I felt so grateful to resume normalcy, but not without recognizing that we were all very lucky.

For a good half hour, the four of us stayed huddled in bed together. I thought about people in far away lands who sleep in a family style bed. This was the first time I ever envied them. If another quake happened we wouldn't be separate. As we lay together my son eventually opened his eyes. After a minute he heard his sister near him and popped his head up. It didn't matter what kind of mayhem came earlier, he was so thrilled to see her. I lifted him into the middle so they were next to each other and they began to cuddle and giggle. The morning started in a way that I hope doesn't happen again anytime soon, but the way it ended was such a strong reminder of what I have to hold on to. So precious is my family to me. I hope it doesn't take another earthquake to share such a wonderful start of the day like today.

Believe?

There are certain kids that come over my house to play and I cringe when I hear how they speak. They are crass and rude and somehow any respect for adults is rarely shown. My hair stands on end, and immediately I am planning on what I will say to my daughter when these kids leave to undo the negative she has learned.

I am aware that my prudish behavior is just a lame effort to keep her innocent as long as possible. I know I am swimming again the tide here. Already she came home singing some little thing about "copping a squeezey," and I know at 5 she doesn't know what that means yet but still its weird to hear sing it. Also, there are common terms for things like body parts and bodily functions that my husband and I were not allowed to use growing up, that we agreed she wouldn't use either. Somehow though everyone else thinks its okay and so thats another uphill battle. The other day we were outside and she had just a bathing suit bottom on and a neighbor from Africa commented to her that she is like a real African woman with her "boobies" out. As she walked away my daughter asked me what she said. I didn't feel like teaching her the word or make her feel any shame for walking around "free" as she says. I also know that one of these kids that she sees at school will teach her all of these things in no time. For now though I am glad she calls them breasts. I am not opposed to other terms, but all in due time.

Friends are also responsible for telling my kids what is real or not real apparently. My husband already alluded to the fact that Santa was maybe not real and she ran with that since she was never a fan of the idea of a strange man with a beard randomly showing up in her house. That being said I know many children believe in him, as well as the tooth fairies, leprechauns and the Easter bunny. We decided to ask her what she thinks instead of just telling her what to believe and she said she doesn't believe any of it is real. I explained that if she doesn't thats okay but its still fun to pretend. It also something she needs to be sensitive about and can't be that kid who goes around bursting other kids make believe dreams. The other day there was a child here who first told her that leprechauns were only pretend but then 15 minutes later they were running around finding "little leprechaun." When this kid left Twig asked me for the truth again.

Somewhere along the way everyone finds out the truth, and somewhere along the way everyone hears and tries every crass curse word out there. I am just trying to keep her from growing up faster than she needs to. I appreciate that growing up a Jewish girl who didn't celebrate Christmas, my dad still ordered a phone call from Santa to come to me at my house. It was fun and I was so excited when I heard my name spoken by him. I loved the tooth fairy too, even when I accidentally got a $20 bill one night and my dad said the tooth fairy had made a mistake. I realized my dad was the tooth fairy but I still liked the visit when I lost a tooth. We are all still trying to figure out what we believe and what we don't. Some of us think G-d made the world and others have been trying to burst their bubble on that one all through history. If it makes you feel good then feel free to believe, and if you don't just don't ruin it for the rest. If I can teach my kids this, they are way ahead of the game.