Monday, May 9, 2011

Her Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was a welcome respite from all the mourning my family and I have been going through. For my nephews sake, I was grateful that it wasn't Father's Day, yet and that they have a few more weeks to come to terms with what happened to their dad before everyone around them is celebrating fathers as hero's for a day. It was nice to acknowledge my sister and how great she is holding up, and my mom who is there to help when my sister needs to fall apart a little. For me, I was glad to be far away from it for a day and have my husband and daughter celebrate me.

I woke up to a surprise gift, cuddles in bed, and then some time alone to stay in bed. Then we went to breakfast and the farmers market a Sunday family tradition that I love. We all took naps and then my husband took us to the beach for a "picanic." It was one big party for the pinball, who kept singing me "happy mothers day to you" and enjoying bites of party cake before, during, and after dinner. We played, we rested, and we enjoyed each others' company. It was perfect.

I feel I am starting to move with the world around me a little bit more than when I last wrote, but the world does feel different to me. Someone is missing and I feel the loss. When I really let myself accept it this weekend, I looked through photos of happier times with my brother in law. I wondered if I would ever look at my wedding album the same, now that there is pain attached to some of the people that were posing for pictures that day. Looking a little closer though, I saw what a time piece that book is. There were three couples that are longer together, two people that have passed away, and about six new children that have entered the world. We all keep moving, and I am glad.

Motherhood for me has been an amazing journey that I still am only beginning. It has been the hardest but most rewarding job. I think of all the lessons throughout life that we are responsible to teach our children and it makes me think Mother's Day is far from a Hallmark holiday. I am grateful to all the women who have done this job before me and set the bar high. I am proud to be part of the group, and happy to celebrate by eating more party cake. Thankfully, my daughter recently learned the art of sharing and I got to eat some with her.

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