Wednesday, February 23, 2011

London Is Calling



It's not always easy to find people that are going through similar life experiences, share similar ideas on how to handle those experiences, and if you do, it's not a given that you will like them too. I know it's rare, as a married couple, to have other couple friends that all like each other. I know my husband doesn't love all of my friends, and I don't love his. The same goes for parent friends. My little twig may love a kid and want to become BFF's with her, and I might have to accept that her mom might not be my BFF.

Friends mean everything to me. They were my lifeline when I became a "grown up" and they are again, now that I have become a mother. My core of close girl friends has not changed much in the last twelve years. It shifted a bit here and there, but these women are sisters to me. When I had a baby before some of them, it was difficult to connect on what was happening for me and my new job as a mom. I didn't feel they could really understand. I looked to mommy clans that left me feeling slighted by the friendship part. Eventually, my friends joined me in motherhood, or in some cases I reconnected with the me that was before mom, and reinstated my relationships.

Then something happened about a year ago. I went through some hormonal changes that left me in a dark place. I had never experienced anything like it before, and it was the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It pulled me away from everyone, and left me feeling unsucessful in finding comfort anywhere. Until a miracle day came (with the help of an amazing doctor), I felt better. During that period, I had pockets of days at a time that I felt fine, and others that couldn't end fast enough. Somewhere in there I met Amiee. I was out to dinner with my husband and daughter, and she was out with hers.

We connected instantly on some obvious things. We had girls a few months apart, we had seen each other at the park, and we lived around the corner from each other. Our husbands chatted as we ran down the street, in and out of stores behind our girls. She was fun, sweet, and not an ounce of judgment. Our daughters hit it off that day as well, and despite normal two year old tantrums, they have been pretty inseparable ever since. At a time when I wondered where my village was, Amiee landed in from another country ready to settle down and set up shop. Two weeks before I met her she had left everyone she knew in London to come to L.A.

Within days of meeting her, we were giving our girls dinner together at either of our houses. We slowly filled each other in on our lives, and as I revealed some of what was happening to me, she shared a very similar story. There was no one else I knew who could understand what was happening, except Amiee. My friends were amazingly supportive and truly showed up for me during that time, but they were still watching from the outside. The inside was familiar to Amiee because she had been there herself. It's been over six months since feeling myself again. In the last few months, my friendship with Amiee has grown a lot. I survived something and now I can connect to her on the past when I need to, but mostly we just enjoy happier times.

I feel so lucky to have her. Our girls love each other, and our husbands have a really great friendship as well. I have slowly introduced her to my friends and little by little my village seems to be growing stronger. She is getting more and more adjusted to living here too. Every few months she takes a trip back to London for some time. This month, she and her family left for over a month. We had a routine trip for frozen yogurt as a goodbye. My twig asks for her daughter a lot, and I have explained, as best I could, that she will be home soon. In the meantime, we miss them very much.

Please London, be spitting rain right now so they miss the sunshine and come running back for some Vitamin D.

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