Wednesday, July 13, 2011

In Between Here to There

So this is what it feels like to be coming out the other side.

I am so grateful to be in this moment rather than where I was a two weeks ago, and yet I still have my eye ahead to where I want to be. I haven't closed the door on my sadness yet I am not walking around blissful. I cannot avoid reminders around me of people who are accomplishing what I want to achieve, and yet I have to honor that this is part of the journey of getting there.

My friend likened this feeling to when you lose a job and all you can focus on is getting another one. When you finally get one, you realize you really didn't allow yourself any time to enjoy your freedom. So here I am, knowing I have a bit of time "in between" where I was and where I am going -- so what am I going to do with it? I took a sewing class, I am studying to re-certify for my fitness licence, I am writing a lot, I am hugging my twig, loving my husband, eating good food, and enjoying the summer. I have my moments of sadness, and my moments of trying to avoid "futurizing" but I can see that I'm healing. For that I am grateful. This is a strange time for me in looking at my identity. Is learning to sew the new me? Of course not, and I am not even sure I like it at all yet, but I am trying new things.

Honestly, I don't even need to have an answer on who or where I am right now. It just is, just like this whole situation just is. Today I went to the grocery store and felt a slight touch of joyful high when the cashier asked me if I wanted to fill out a raffle ticket for bringing my own bag. The possibility of winning made me excited. I even went on to enjoy our banter about how tasty chocolate coconut water is and that the simplicity of this conversation made me feel re-connceted with people who are living their lives. It is pretty delicious.

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