We make decisions all day every day, from the moment we wake up and choose to get out of bed, or to stay and rest a few minutes more, to what to wear to bed at night. We do it so much that you think we would be so skilled at it at this point. Making decisions (good ones) is something I am teaching Twiggy right now, and so far she isn't the quickest study. The other day she started to decorate the kitchen table with her food. She drew outside the lines, so to speak, when she decided her place mat just wasn't enough room. When my husband asked her what she was doing she said, "I made a decision, daddy." Apparently not the best one.
I try to explain to her that listening to mommy, or going back to sleep in the middle of the night, or letting friends take turns when you play, are good decsions. I know this is something she will learn as she goes along everyday for the rest of her life, but for now I am losing patience with some of her choices. Yesterday, we were on an escalator and I said, "Okay, big step." This is something she has done with me so many times, and it's usually pretty cute to watch her lunge over the threshold, but yesterday she made the choice she was going to ignore me. She wanted to see what would happen, and fortunately for me nothing did -- unfortunately for her, I reacted.
As a parent, I am weighing my desicions to react all day long with her. Should I let that one go? I let that one go too many times, now I am setting the rule down strongly. She is only little, she wouldn't understand. She totally knows she isn't supposed to do that and so how should I repremand her. Can I handle this one patienly and calmly or is it time to get mean? Lately, I find that I am yelling more than I ever had before, and more than I want to. Sadly, it works and so that keeps me doing it. Sigh!! Over-thinking is an area that I am very gifted in. Not sure I love that quality about myself but I have accepted it none the less. As I mentioned in the last post, I know when I am over-thinking, but I don't always know how to chill out on an idea in my head.
What frightens me the most about desicion making, not just as a parent, but as a person, is when you make a decision without thinking about it. I guess that would be a reaction, but call it what you will, I scare myself sometimes. I got really upset with someone yesterday when they were rude to me and to my daughter. Not even worth retelling the story, or wasting anytime on this unimportant ass, but as I walked away from him, my daughter on my hip as it furiously swayed passed his ugly face, I said "things" I am not going to say because my parents read this, and I hate this kind of quality in others, and because I am not proud (well not a lot).