Practicing What I Preach

Today was a moody mess for me. I am hormonal, impatient, anxious and obsessive. My head is busy over-thinking the future and fantasizing about things I can't control. I fell into a hole, planning things in which only mother nature has a say. Today I cried at the flip of a switch and I turned to others to make me feel better, instead of just taking a deep breath and remembering that everything will work itself out.

Today was a moody mess for my Twig. She woke up wanting a short order cook and the one she found just wasn't working fast enough. She didn't feel like talking to anyone and ignored friendly chatter when anyone approached her. She was disappointed when her friend didn't play a game the way she wanted, disappointed she couldn't swim as much as she wanted, and disappointed when she couldn't have a third treat of the day. She cried at the flip of a switch, and turned to me to make her feel better, instead of taking a deep breath and being reassured that everything will work itself out.

I don't get everything I want and I am glad that my daughter sees that. I realized today, however, that it's not a bad idea to let her see me get upset about it sometimes. She doesn't have to see me kick, scream and throw a fit, but witnessing me shedding some tears is only going to help her see how I deal with my feelings. She can see that it's okay to be upset -- and that there is a beginning and an end to it.

There isn't a tantrum that goes by that I don't wonder, will she will ever stop crying? No trick I have up my sleeve, or that I have ever read about, has ever worked to quell her. She needs to take what seems like an epic long time to get through her frustration. If I could reward myself for every tantrum she threw today I would have a glass of wine, a massage, and the Eames rocker chair I've had my eye on. It doesn't work that way in grown-up land, so I should be careful when I offer her consolations to just stop crying. I ask her to just go with it, say "oh well, or in Hebrew "En Ba Yah" (meaning, no big deal), but do I do that? I see myself over-thinking a misplaced sippy cup, or hair clip. I actually imagine what better uses I would have for fifty dollars as I am writing a check for a parking ticket. I feel the need to let people know when they piss me off, and I'm not the quickest to wait for something I want.

I am trying to get her to go with the flow, when frankly I suck at that myself. I have been fighting the urge my whole life to pout when I hear the word "no." I can't expect her to bounce back from her disappointment so easily. Things are not always fair, and she is learning that exact lesson a bit more everyday. I just want to make sure that she can see the light at the end of the tantrum tunnel without me helping her through it every time. In the meantime, I will reassure her that it's there and that even her stubborn mama forgets that sometimes.